How focusing on ‘being’ rather than ‘doing’ can change life’s trajectory toward living with purpose
155 days. That was my meditation streak. I had the discipline and the focus to meditate for 155 straight days. Then I missed one. I was devastated. At that point I realized that I had made so much progress, yet, I was focused on the one miss. My relationship with goal setting wasn’t a healthy one, and it forced me to question how I would approach it moving forward.
If you’re even moderately motivated, everything you’ve ever read says you should set goals. If you want to achieve anything, you need to write it down and make it SMART — specific, measurable, achievable, relevant and time-bound. You need to have checklists and daily habit trackers. I am not denying there is merit behind all of those things, but for me, it wasn’t “fun.”
Being driven, I am usually “all or nothing” in my mindset, which can be problematic when you miss a goal, break a streak or can’t check off that box. The more goals I set, the less fulfilled I felt.
What if success isn’t about checking boxes but about aligning how you live with what truly matters?
When you make the focus “doing” rather than “being,” you can lose the fruit of goal-setting: growth. By always having a habit tracker and SMART goals, when I would miss a day, it was easy to get down on myself. Have enough misses, and it turns into a “what’s the point?” mindset. Goal-setting was turning into a job I didn’t like, and it was leading to burnout. Even when I was achieving, I was left unfulfilled despite the accomplishment. I’d do something great, and when it was over, I was left with, “OK, now what?”
I needed a shift. Rather than set specific goals and habit trackers, I decided to focus on the key areas of my life and get better at “being” what I was aiming for rather than focusing on “doing.” I called it my “Climbing the Five Corners.” I would use my God-given gifts — my time, talents and treasure — to “be” better in each of these areas of my life:
When you stop measuring life by goals and start living aligned with purpose, success becomes inevitable — not because of what you ‘do,’ but because of who you are for that.”
- Faith
- Marriage
- Fatherhood
- Vocation/business
- Community
Instead of creating a list of strict action items, I brainstormed: If I were “being” the best I could in this area, what are some things I’d do? Almost immediately, my life changed. Instead of rigid requirements, with each new idea or opportunity, I now had the freedom to ask myself: “Would this lead me to ‘be’ better in this area?” Naturally, my actions were guided, and I felt fulfilled because I was “being” rather than “doing.”
A few examples:
Faith: I deepened conversations with God, asking how he wanted me to use my time, talent and treasure.
Marriage: I started taking my wife out on more dates and connecting with her, which led me to see where I could “be” a better husband.
Fatherhood: With four kids, it can be tough to get one-on-one time consistently, so I started taking one of them out for breakfast every Saturday to talk about life.
Vocation/business: I became more intentional in how I was leading and developing the leaders in my business.
Community: I began meeting people in the community with no agenda other than to hear their stories and see how I could serve, which has led to countless mentoring opportunities.
This change in mindset led to clarity and fulfillment that I wasn’t experiencing when I was arguably “doing” “great” things. Integrating who I am “being” into every area of my life opened my eyes to something that seemed out of reach. Most importantly, it helped me focus on the areas that matter the most.
If you’re like me, and those New Year’s resolutions have already fallen by the wayside, or your annual planning session wasn’t everything you’d hoped it would be (or didn’t happen at all), then maybe try a different approach:
- Identify what is most important in your life, your “corners”
- Think about your gifts. What are you good at? What do you love to do?
- How can you leverage those gifts to “be” better in each of those “corners” of your life?
- Focus on “being” a little better rather than “doing” things.
- Be kind to yourself. If you can’t even cheer for yourself, no one else will.
When you stop measuring life by goals and start living aligned with purpose, success becomes inevitable — not because of what you “do,” but because of who you are.
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